Just the beginning……..

I wrote something in a message to someone today and it was the first time I had ever admitted it to someone and possibly even to myself. I have written before about my love of food and my constant battle with the scales but only today did the penny drop with me about the power food held over me since my teens and into my twenties and possibly even still now. I was and to some extent am a secretive binge eater. I spent years in kitchens opening press doors quietly and peeling opening biscuit packets without making a sound before shovelling several of them in succession into my mouth for fear of someone seeing me indulge in fatty treats. Nothing would satisfy my hunger. It wasn’t a hunger for food but a hunger to be normal and to be able to control my calorie intake. Nothing in my life was wrong per say but whilst eating everything seemed great. Chocolate, crisps, cheese, pastries and ice creams all seemed to have this magical power over me, that is until I would awake the following day to feelings of guilt and overindulgence and generally feeling crap about myself which would in turn lead me to turn to food again and so a vicious circle is formed…..

While on holiday in France this year I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window and I was shocked as to what I was looking at. I said to my husband that I was drawing a line in the sand and that I was never crossing that point ever again. When we returned home I signed up with my local Slimming World class and I haven’t looked back since. I have lost, gained and maintained but today was a special day for me as I am now officially just a mere 1/2lb away from my target weight. 1/2 a bloody pound, I can’t believe it!! It has been great to have had the support of a weekly weigh in to keep me on the straight and narrow and it is going to be a feature of my week from now on as this for me is when the hard work starts. I have lost and regained too many times to count at this stage but this time I am committed to never ever ever having this weight to lose again.

Losing weight has done wonders for my running as well and since joining Slimming World I have completed two half marathons in very respectable times! I am married 12 years soon and I have never heard such pride in my husband’s voice as I did a couple of weeks back when I was running and he said to someone as I passed “That’s my wife!”. Those words are going to ring in my head every time I contemplate an overindulgence when I know I don’t need it. I may need your help along this path but as always dear readers I know you are there, xx.

 

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4 Responses to Just the beginning……..

  1. Marie McKenna says:

    As usual, a refreshing and honest account. Well done, Paula. Could you now inspire me? I just need a good shove to get back out again!

  2. Fiona Dillon says:

    I’m so glad you’re happy Paula, although I don’t think I’ve ever noticed your size (before or after SW) because all I see when we meet is your amazing smile. Stay happy xx

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