15 years…….

7

This time 15 years ago I was a teenager living at home with my parents and enjoying life. All I ever had to worry about was where my next twenty pounds was coming from to fund a night out on the town. Amazing how a couple of hours can change your world forever. In 18 hours my poor old Dad will be 15 years dead and honestly sometimes my grief is so raw it feels like I am back there in the morgue kissing his cold cheek and holding his frozen hands. Life after that point was honestly never the same again. Of course I have had wonderful times and more happiness than I deserve but always there is a void in my life where he should be. I always find great comfort in words and this poem sums up what 15 years of tears and loneliness have meant to me.

Memories of Dad

I will take this special moment
To turn my thoughts to Dad
Thank him for the home he gave
For all the things we had.

We think about the fleeting years
Too quickly, gone for good
It seems like only yesterday
I’d go back if I could.

A time when Dad was always there,
No matter what the weather.
Always strong when things went wrong
He held our lives together.

He strived so hard from day to day
And never once complained.
With steady hands, he worked so hard
And kept the family name.

He taught us that hard work pays off,
You reap just what you sow.
He said that if you tend your crops,
Your field will overflow.

My life has been bountiful
He taught me how to give
In his firm and steadfast way
He taught me how to live.

Dad dwells among the angels now
He left us much too soon
He glides across a golden field
Above the harvest moon.

I see him in the summer rain,
He rides upon the wind
And when my path is beaten down
He picks me up again.

Author unknown

Not a day goes by that I don’t look at his picture or shed a little tear for what might have been. How I would love if he was here to meet my children and sit around my table enjoying a meal. Parents are so precious and more often than not we only realise this when they are gone. In a few years my father will be dead longer than I knew him alive but thankfully in that short space of time he gave me enough love and memories to last me a lifetime.

9

As you can see I was a constant source of annoyance to him, always tousling his hair or trying to trip him. I remember one time staying quiet in a wardrobe for over twenty minutes before jumping out to frighten him, lucky I didn’t give the poor man a heart attack. Such lovely memories I have stored up and I absolutely love sharing them with the children, I hope they will have as many happy memories of us. Thanks for reading, xx.

 

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4 Responses to 15 years…….

  1. Majella O'Shea says:

    Paula,

    This is a really beautiful post. I have ‘heard’ you mention your Dad before and know that his passing was a shock for you. This post really captured your love for him and the legacy he left you and yours. I am fortunate to still have both my parents, although my Dad’s longterm and debilitating illness brings up lots of different emotions about his quality of life! That sense of wanting him around but not wanting him to experience that difficult and degrading life that a disease like MS brings!

    I guess life is all about how we cope with these dilemmas! Whether it is losing a parent too early and suddenly or watching him living longer but in a sadly reduced experience if life!

    Thanks for sharing,

    Majella

    • Paula says:

      Majella my father had acute asthma and he would have absolutely hated to have lived a half life. My mother on the other hand is almost 80 and in the fullness of her health. Cant imagine what it must be like to see a parent going through something so heartbreaking. Thank you for the comment Majella, xxx

  2. CarBar2 says:

    Awww Paula, this just brought a tear. What a beautiful and fitting tribute to your Dad. It’s a sure reminder that life is much to short and nothing should be taken for granted.

    Thinking of you x

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